(Fair warning…this post is more of a rant, but I’d like to believe a rant with a purpose. HH)


I’m a busy man right now. Perhaps too busy for my own good. Yet…I’m going to take a moment and write my frustrations out over something which is such a common occurrence, I even heard Regis Philbin use the term Selfie, correctly in a sentence the other morning.


Ladies, please dial back the Selfie epidemic. I am a hot-blooded, red-meat eating (sorry vegans), whisky swillin’, woman lovin’ man as you will ever find; yet your Selfie is an instant turn-off. I’m talking about those bathroom shots… those alone shots when obviously you’re feeling needy of some attention. Please don’t do it. Call a friend, call a sibling, email a pen-pal. Dial back your knee-jerk response to unintended insecurities.

Mona Lisa Selfie

I’m going to come off all “dad-like” with this post but quite frankly I don’t care.  Here’s why…


I’m no saint. Yet, there are men out there like me who genuinely appreciate the gentle solitude a woman’s touch and heart can bring. We can admire you, take you in, even mentally salivate when we think you’re not noticing. Deep down, we’re cavemen. Simple souls really, with fits of complicated chaos. Over time, I’d like to think we’ve evolved a bit but I wouldn’t be one of only a handful of men writing romance in a world of 7 Billion people if we had. Still…there is a reason for the cliché, “Why should they buy the cow when they can have the milk for free?” (Full disclosure…I was the recipient of that exact phrase. My response…here.)


You see ladies, as much as you think men want to see what you have to offer, we really don’t. Are we curious? Hell yes. Do we speculate and wonder? Oh yeah. Are we men doing what men do in these situations? Yoooou betcha.  So why take it all away with a Selfie riddled with sexual undertones? Your camera-phone positioned above so cleavage is conveniently inserted into the shot? Or duck lips? Who the hell started THAT and thought it was sexy?  Or better yet…and even more degrading, you and your girlfriend in a feigned lesbian moment. Does it get a guy all hot and bothered for a moment? Yes…just not the right ones you would like to be courted by.


Just so we’re clear…this is a two-way street. We have our Anthony ‘Weiners’ in the mix. Quite frankly, to this day I get the occasional ‘penis pic’ by DM on my Twitter account because for some reason they think, because I deal in Romance, that I’m a woman. (That is SO not an ok thing to do!) As men, we are guilty too. Personally I’ve never done it because I just don’t get it. Have I sent pics of me to someone I’m with, of course I have. But it was for them and them only.


From a Man’s standpoint (not a guy’s), we CAN compete with others but we don’t want to have to; much like yourselves. Therefore, your Selfies put us in a precarious position. If we are interested in you, do we REALLY want to compete with the other 1000+ guys on your FaceBook page who just watched your video of you Twerking with your girlfriends? What really is left for us to surmise?


Mystery, ladies. Mystery is the draw when it comes to men. If you want a man-child…keep doing what you’re doing. If you want a man…mystery is where it lies.


I’ve done the math required for this post… Age, plus technological aptitude, minus social responsibility, plus alcohol consumed, plus desirability of the opposite sex and… at any age for a man, it comes to the same conclusion: If you don’t wan’t to be treated as an object, stop acting like one.


I mentioned earlier that this post would come off all “dad-like” and it has. Fine. But for TRUE romance to flourish, it has to be intimate and there is nothing intimate once what you have to be intimate with has been shown to X thousand people on Twitter and FB.


This post was inspired by a Tweet I saw which read, “Well, son, your dad saw one of my Selfies and the rest is history.”  I suppose in some circles that rings romance. It just doesn’t in mine.


HH Blog sig

17 thoughts on “The Seductive Selfie Must Die

  1. Had to laugh out loud at your post this morning, HH. So well said – as always! I have also wondered who thought duck lips were sexy… Or how men could think women are turned on by a Dick Pic… I can only assume these come from people desperate for attention. And you are so right – they get the attention but not the kind they want and not from the kind of people they should want to get to know. Great post today, HH!

    • Trish,

      Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. Means a lot to me.

      And I am just as baffled by men sending crotch shots as I am of women flaunting their boobs. I believe sometimes that because men get hard when the wind blows they believe women are built the same way. They just need to “show up” and the woman is automatically turned on. It’s laughable really; yet, on both sides of the fence there are players at the ready for just such a moment. It’s sad but even in this day and age, it turns out, you throw enough shit against a wall, some of it does stick. But it’s still shit, right?

      Being a strong advocate of ALL women, and being a man by genetic lottery, I see that women do NOT have to put up with being treated this way. They don’t have to act that way either. The happiest women I have had the pleasure of knowing have brought men up to their level, not stooped down to theirs.

      Thanks again, Trish…for well….being the amazing soul you are.


  2. My response to “selfies” has always been, “What were they thinking!” But then I am of a different generation entirely! Great post, HH, and very amusing. I also agree about these “selfies” attracting quite the wrong people. Scary!

    • Elizabeth,

      (Do you prefer Liz?)

      I couldn’t agree more. I’m of a “certain” generation myself and, while the ‘youngsters’ may feel we are out of touch, I truly want to believe that there is a certain modicum of decency which carries itself through from generation to generation.

      I recently started binge-watching “Boardwalk Empire”. It’s a show stapled in the 1920’s which deals with prohibition. In the show there is almost always an episode in which some scenes take place in a speakeasy where women run around half-naked and available. What we are dealing with today isn’t new. Just in a steroidal form. In the 1920s there were a couple of dozen men who witnessed what you flaunted. Today…tens of thousands dependent solely on your privacy settings.

      “Men go where their fetishes lie”, Profound words from my grandfather. We had just watched a news story of a man getting arrested at a daycare facility. He was the janitor and a pedophile. The same holds true here. Men will gravitate towards women who objectify themselves because they only have an interest in objectifying women themselves.

      Thanks, E for the comment!


  3. *stands up* *slow applause* *faster applause* throw in a WHOOFREAKINHOO!

    THAT big brother of mine, was spot on. I am in no way a fan of pictures like that, in fact, it irritates the unicorns out of me.

    I mean, as a fairly young woman, I’m only 25 and my insecurities when it comes to my looks. (It’s a looong story.) I GET that we want to be noticed, but personally, I would never put myself out there like that, no matter how much attention I would want, even I have my limits. I like to get attention, but I don’t need to be the CENTER of attention.

    Even till this day, in a relationship, I too get the occasional dick shots, I don’t ask for them, I don’t advertise for them, yet, for some reason they think I want to see that. I am a very straight woman, women do not get me turned on, only men do, but do I WANT to see some random persons private parts? HECK NO.

    I have my boyfriend, why would I need or want to see someone elses in the 1st place? *scratches head* *oh well*

    Granted, I can understand that when you’re in relationship and your partner isn’t with you and you have a certain need, yes, only then I can understand one wants to look at things like that.

    • Soraya, Soraya, Soraya!

      Thank You.

      It doesn’t happen often (almost never) but a line was set before me I was envious of and wished I had come up with: “it irritates the unicorns out of me.” Pure genius, S. I love where you take the conversation.

      Thank You again,

  4. Oh the selfie! Scourge of twitter and Facebook and anywhere else we can plaster our faces across the screen!

    These days I can’t go online without someone’s super-tweeted eyebrows and pouty lips hitting me in the face. Why oh why oh why???

    It’s needy, it’s grasping for attention and it’s just unnecessary. I always think people who post selfies a are super confident, because if I posted a selfie, I’d be worried that people would form a lynch mob complete with pitchforks and flaming torches and scour the lands looking for that horrible Quasimodo-like creature who dared to post a picture of herself online. Yet if you’re that confident, why do you need others assurance that you are beautiful?

    Ban the selfie!!! I’m with you on this one HH.

    Wait, does this all sound like sour grapes on my part??? Hahahaha

    • Linzi,

      You know I’m your biggest fan. If there was a lynch mob gunnin’ for you, I’d step in their way. As far as the Selfie is concerned you are spot on! It’s a sign of weakness, not strength.

      Thanks for commenting! (And can you pour me another?) :)


  5. Oh, EXCELLENT post! I use my initials when I write – so tend to receive a steady stream of invitations to view Keysha’s pics of her and friend… in my Inbox.

    I do wonder exactly what the girlies think they are doing… Yep – I’m sure their pics get a lot of attention, but it won’t be the right sort. And… much, much later, when they are wives, mothers, company directors or managers – this stuff will surface.

  6. S.J.,

    I think I’m a bit confused…Keysha? I know who she is but don’t understand how your initials dial her up. And you are WAY correct that in the future these ladies don’t understand how these types of pics will work against them as opposed to for them.


  7. Fabulous post. Could not agree more. Speaking as a “woman of mystery”, I can vouch that my complete lack of posted photos has been known to drive some men to rather insane lengths due to curiosity. Intriguing men with ladylike allure works much better than duck lips or selfies probably ever will. Pleased to know there are men out there that agree.

  8. lol…..I recently did a selfie – my first one ever. I showed myself “before” my first bike ride in quite some time, and a fairly comedic shot of me “after”. No duck lips, no penis parts, just a lot of sweat and a bit of confusion at the term – “it’s just like riding a bike – you never forget”

    well, by golly, you do. =)

    I just HAVE to say – your potential employer can and will look at your facebook page. Ladies, if you’re wanting to be a school teacher, think ahead here. Guys – same for you. Underage drinking photos, cleavage, penises (penii?) they can all be viewed by YOUR NEXT POTENTIAL BOSS.

    and isn’t that just a bit more humiliating than the thrill you’re going to get by posting that selfie with the sex lips?

    think ahead..


  9. Awesome post. Seeing lots of selfies on social media, mostly are the famous duck-face. I do take my own selfies but that depends on my moods. But seeing selfies from 1 person every 5 minutes with different expressions is a bit too much for me. It makes me think, “who is this girl trying to convince?”

  10. I agree on the whole, some selfies are cringeworthy, but there are also some very nice and interesting ones people use as profile pictures. I have to say I generally prefer someone using a (genuine) photo of themselves as an avatar on Facebook or Twitter and find it a shame if the reason for not having an up to date photo of yourself on there is that people think they look so terrible that people don’t want to see their face.

    I would also say young people are still learning, and get things wrong (so am I and so do I at 38) and unfortunately it’s much easier now to make your mistakes in public. I see the main reason for young people posting “seductive” selfies is for reassurance that they are an attractive human being, for validation rather than wanting to attract a mate per se. Also they are discovering how to use their sexual power over others and what the script is for different situations. And are coping with raging hormones.

    So yes, as a mum I’d be saying “Just be yourself” over and over, but it takes a long time to get that confidence, and an awful lot of people never do. I don’t like the overtly seductive selfies, but I kind of get why they are done.

  11. Hi HH

    Loved this post! I follow you on twitter as @silverkick and found this post through a tweet. I totally agree with you. It’s a desperate call for attention and feeds vapid vanity.
    P.S: Love your stuff.

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