(Fair warning…this post is more of a rant, but I’d like to believe a rant with a purpose. HH)
I’m a busy man right now. Perhaps too busy for my own good. Yet…I’m going to take a moment and write my frustrations out over something which is such a common occurrence, I even heard Regis Philbin use the term Selfie, correctly in a sentence the other morning.
Ladies, please dial back the Selfie epidemic. I am a hot-blooded, red-meat eating (sorry vegans), whisky swillin’, woman lovin’ man as you will ever find; yet your Selfie is an instant turn-off. I’m talking about those bathroom shots… those alone shots when obviously you’re feeling needy of some attention. Please don’t do it. Call a friend, call a sibling, email a pen-pal. Dial back your knee-jerk response to unintended insecurities.
I’m going to come off all “dad-like” with this post but quite frankly I don’t care. Here’s why…
I’m no saint. Yet, there are men out there like me who genuinely appreciate the gentle solitude a woman’s touch and heart can bring. We can admire you, take you in, even mentally salivate when we think you’re not noticing. Deep down, we’re cavemen. Simple souls really, with fits of complicated chaos. Over time, I’d like to think we’ve evolved a bit but I wouldn’t be one of only a handful of men writing romance in a world of 7 Billion people if we had. Still…there is a reason for the cliché, “Why should they buy the cow when they can have the milk for free?” (Full disclosure…I was the recipient of that exact phrase. My response…here.)
You see ladies, as much as you think men want to see what you have to offer, we really don’t. Are we curious? Hell yes. Do we speculate and wonder? Oh yeah. Are we men doing what men do in these situations? Yoooou betcha. So why take it all away with a Selfie riddled with sexual undertones? Your camera-phone positioned above so cleavage is conveniently inserted into the shot? Or duck lips? Who the hell started THAT and thought it was sexy? Or better yet…and even more degrading, you and your girlfriend in a feigned lesbian moment. Does it get a guy all hot and bothered for a moment? Yes…just not the right ones you would like to be courted by.
Just so we’re clear…this is a two-way street. We have our Anthony ‘Weiners’ in the mix. Quite frankly, to this day I get the occasional ‘penis pic’ by DM on my Twitter account because for some reason they think, because I deal in Romance, that I’m a woman. (That is SO not an ok thing to do!) As men, we are guilty too. Personally I’ve never done it because I just don’t get it. Have I sent pics of me to someone I’m with, of course I have. But it was for them and them only.
From a Man’s standpoint (not a guy’s), we CAN compete with others but we don’t want to have to; much like yourselves. Therefore, your Selfies put us in a precarious position. If we are interested in you, do we REALLY want to compete with the other 1000+ guys on your FaceBook page who just watched your video of you Twerking with your girlfriends? What really is left for us to surmise?
Mystery, ladies. Mystery is the draw when it comes to men. If you want a man-child…keep doing what you’re doing. If you want a man…mystery is where it lies.
I’ve done the math required for this post… Age, plus technological aptitude, minus social responsibility, plus alcohol consumed, plus desirability of the opposite sex and… at any age for a man, it comes to the same conclusion: If you don’t wan’t to be treated as an object, stop acting like one.
I mentioned earlier that this post would come off all “dad-like” and it has. Fine. But for TRUE romance to flourish, it has to be intimate and there is nothing intimate once what you have to be intimate with has been shown to X thousand people on Twitter and FB.
This post was inspired by a Tweet I saw which read, “Well, son, your dad saw one of my Selfies and the rest is history.” I suppose in some circles that rings romance. It just doesn’t in mine.