The Dance of Romance

Fellow Romancers!  This comment was originally posted in my confessional. I would like your take on it.

lover of men says:

February 1, 2013 at 5:13 pm

There was a time in my life where I had multiple lovers. If I needed attention I had about 6 men on standby that would gladly oblige and pay me a visit. These men turned out to be great friends I would sometimes spend entire weekends with.

This all ended when I moved out of state. I grew a little lonely and didn’t have the desire to build such a “dance list” as I had before. I felt as if I was wasting away and maybe those men didn’t care all that much about me as a lover or a person. I wondered if they simply moved on to find a new playmate and forgot about me.

All that ended when, within the span of 1 week, 4 of those men sent me a text or an email telling me how much they missed me, how I was the best lover they ever had and no one would come close to my charm, personality or talent and wished I had never moved.

Romancers! This is a post from Fontana which was originally sent to my Confessional Page.  As I am revamping my site because of it’s growth in traffic, I have decided again to post it here and ask for your sincere help with Fontana’s dilemma. On some level we have all had a similar relationship such as hers. I think we’d both like to hear your advice as well as your stories.

Weaving Corks & Conversation,

Found your website today. Love what I’ve read so far.

This is liable to be long. Here’s me: educated, divorced (since 2002), active, friendly, helpful, and 50 yrs old. My children are in their 20s and I have a wonderful 2yr old granddaughter. Everyone, no exaggeration, thinks I look 10 yrs younger. My friends and family think the world of me and tell me I dress well and that I’m attractive. I want to find that special someone. Internet sites are out of the question. I’ve tried other dating services in person.

There’s a man I’ve known for 6 yrs who I’m completely stuck on. We started being friends about 4-5 years ago. We have the same employer (no problems dating there due to different jobs/departments). We can talk about anything to each other, we joke, flirt, talk serious and support each other. We even met at the gym and chatted lots while exercising, though sometimes more talk, less exercise. In 2010 both of us, three months apart, had major health issues. His was in April. I was devastated when I got the news. That’s when I knew how I felt deep in my heart. We spoke often on the phone and he was very glad for every call. We spent lots of time deep in conversation. I was relieved when he returned to work.

My daughter was pregnant at the time and things we rough between her & I. In mid-July I had a heart attack. I wouldn’t let friends put anything on social media until after I’d talked to him. Didn’t want him to find out that way. We talked on the phone and it was obvious that he was very concerned. He was at my house a few days later and while doing something for me in the kitchen said “I think the news of you being in the hospital hit me the same way my news hit you.” I heard him but, due to the side effects from rx meds, it didn’t sink in until much later.

Depending on our work schedules we usually have lunch together 2-4 times a week, he’s been to my house numerous times for parties and small dinners, we’ve attended some of the same events. He’s met my entire family thanks to various events including the big 5-0 party. He lets me use his vacation home any time I need to get away and helped with a special birthday excursion for my mom last year. In a candid conversation with a married female friend, she asked whether I’d gone out on dates lately. I told her I’d like to but that I didn’t think it was right, especially considering how I felt about this man. I explained more. Her jaw dropped and she said “oh my god, you’re in love with him”. Yeah, that hit the nail on the head.

He is single, straight, a few years younger, educated, and many of the attributes I look for in a man. A friend suggested that maybe this guy is a bit ‘shy’ about asking for the date. We chatted on the phone (March 2011) and I asked about maybe doing something together by ourselves. I told him that I didn’t know if he realized how much I cared for him. The conversation went well (he didn’t think I was nuts). I said that I didn’t know if he would feel awkward since we work at the same place, he said that it wouldn’t stop him when the time came. I know he wasn’t lying when he said that he valued and enjoyed what we had right now and didn’t want to lose it. I asked him to let me know if he ever changed his mind.

In the weeks after that, things were still the same between us. Even now we eat together fairly often and still discuss every thing under the sun, from our health and families, to his wonderful advice about some current things I’m working on. He even takes me to the eye doc (when they dilate your eyes and can’t drive after). He’ll sit in the office with me and chat, even making fun of me while I can’t see. I’ve mentioned to him many times that he’s one of my very closest friends.

I feel that maybe his thoughts are changing in a good direction. He does have a minor lingering issue with hearing in one ear. I wonder if his uncertainty about this is holding him back. He’s mentioned that if he can’t get it fixed he may have to retire from his job. I want to tell him that it has no effect on how I feel about him. Maybe then it will really sink in for him. I’d say yes in a minute if he were to pop THAT question. There’d be no doubt in my mind.

Any advice or thoughts?

Fontana

Romancers!  I want to welcome my first guest contributor to The Dance Of Romance.  Soraya E.

I have been dancing around this topic for a while since I, too, have some experiences with Internet Dating and have many, many tales I could tell. So I’m thankful for Soraya’s taking on the topic for me.

Be sure to welcome Soraya and share any stories you may have regarding Internet Dating.

The wonderful world of internet dating… Or is it?

I’m probably one of the youngest readers and avid commenters of The Dance Of Romance, so, fellow romancers, let’s talk about this not so new phenomenon that is internet dating.

You hear all these wonderful stories and the not so wonderful ones.

Can it be romantic or does it take the romance away?

Full disclosure; I have dabbled in this in the past, to my mother’s horror. (Hah. Shoe’s on the other foot now.) These days I have absolutely NO interest at all in dating or any form of it. (It’s complicated.) My mom on the other hand has decided to become a member of a dating site. Which in and of itself is no big deal, not really anyway, I mean, she’s somewhat happily divorced, she’s an adult… so, why not, right?

Well, as much as I pushed for and applauded the divorce, it is still a little bit weird to hear my mom wanting to date. Not only date, but in this manner. I mean, internet dating? That’s for young people… not for old people like my mom! (I know, that is not really how I feel. This is just the daughter in me talking.) But it got me thinking, given my own personal experience and the other things my mom is currently going through, internet dating… a thing of the past or the new way of dating?

There are some wonderful stories out there about internet dating, my own included. Granted it ended on a sour note, but the journey was okay.

Then there are the horror stories. The scams that are out there. As much as I don’t like to talk about it, it has to be mentioned… pedophiles. Thankfully I have never encountered such a person. At least not that I know of.  I HAVE encountered some really weird people that kind of gave me the creeps. I’m not someone who easily judges a person, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have an opinion right?

I remember my 1^st experience in this field. I wouldn’t call me a professional or serial internet dater because that is NOT who I am. This was with Sander/Xander. As much fun as we had online with each other, in real life, not so much. There was no spark, which at the time I didn’t mind, even though he was quite a hunk. (I’m sorry, I still have to giggle.) So that was one date and never again. (I wonder how he’s doing. For the life of me, I can’t remember his last name. Darn.)

2^nd experience… well that relationship lasted 3 months and I had to end it due to pressure from my mom. In hindsight it was for the best. I just couldn’t see it at the time, but you know, when one is in love one has a ginormous pink glow in front of their eyes.

3^rd experience lasted almost 3 years. I ended it by my own decision after a wake-up call that I apparently needed.

4^th experience… well, that was a one night stand mixed with a Friend With Benefits flair.

Looking back, only one of those experiences is still in my life. Not a huge part though, just a small one. I guess that’s one of the perks of FaceBook… or not. Depending on your own opinion of FB.

With MY personal story out of the way, I want to mention something you’ve seen on TV, in movies or maybe even read about in books: Romance Scamming.

I didn’t even know that such a thing existed. I mean, not to a degree that it would suffice its very own Wikipedia article. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_scam.) Full disclosure; I might have been scammed.  To this day I’m not entirely sure and to be honest, at this point in my life, I don’t really care. I didn’t do anything that would come and bite me in the butt.

What baffles me about this ‘confidence trick’ as Wikipedia says, is that apparently these people have the time to do these scams. One has to wonder, what kind of person does this? What would be their motive? Are they really doing this with bad intentions or is there more? Or maybe I’m just a romantic and have seen too many movies, read too many books and watch too much TV to see this in a realistic way.  Because, wouldn’t it be beautiful if it would start out like a scam, but ends in a beautiful love story?

What also baffles me… where in the heck do they get these pictures from? How do they even decide what picture to use? Like they’re not beautiful enough themselves? (Hah! Sorry, had to put that there, obviously it’s all about anonymity.)

There’s even an Online Dating Scam Romance Project… (http://www2.le.ac.uk/departments/media/research/research-groups/digital-identities-research-group/online-dating-romance-scam-project)

Other than that, I, personally have no horror story to tell. Nor do I know someone in my immediate circle that has one. So… I ask you, fellow Romancers, do YOU have any experience in this field? And, if not, have you ever considered going the internet dating way? IF you had/have a child, what would YOUR advice be regarding internet dating? Or… would you even allow it?

Until next time, be safe, be loved and love back.

Soraya E.

Romancers,

Here is a post which showed up in my Confessional from “J”. I am copying it below because I feel it an intriguing topic for us to weigh in on. I would like for us to help J and I will certainly throw my two HHs into the mix a little later today.

Keep Romancing!

(Now on to Js confession)

I need some advice on something. After working VERY hard to preserve my marriage, working hard to improve on intimacy- asking(and asking and asking) to be told what they wanted, what they REALLY wanted, and fulfilling those to the best of my abilities, i am now Stuck.
I am actually almost afraid to approach my significant other in romantic and passionate ways, because sex will be expected.
I worked so hard to look for, and answer, every hint or tease of want and desire,- body language, phrasing, glances, pressure of touches- complete with how, where, and which finger or direction the touch placed the most pressure,and the duration — I even gauged Breathing!, (and more) pausing and continuing at their lead, that it,- well, it seems to have backfired.

I can’t even try and strike up a conversation, give a quick, appreciative shoulder rub, or look at my S. O. appreciatively without it being considered foreplay.

We have a nice dinner, – foreplay.

I say I appreciate them and everything they do,- foreplay.

I say i love them and thank them for loving Me,- foreplay.

I wash the car,- foreplay.

Is it ok to say IM SICK OF SEX!–? I, want, INTIMACY!

After all this effort, can’t they get a clue that I LOVE THEM!?- and want to be close to them!?

Have i “over-achieved” in the sexual areas, and, in the process, miscommunicated completely?

I want, and need, a friend. We were never friends. We went from point A to point M(arriage) in 35 days.

Now, i feel trapped in an erotic cage of my own making. It seems that it is “rote” that every encounter we have- from “Good morning” to dinner. to “i love you” will end up in sex.
I hide; literally. I work longer than i need to; I bring work home with me. I avoid my significant other. – and i hate it.

I have asked for intimacy; the kind with no sex.- and it ended up in sex.(great sex, but sex.) I hate referring to what transpires between us as sex, but it is feeling that way to ME, lately.

I have said the obvious, and the not so obvious; plainly, and we have “discussed” it. It is like my S.O. doesn’t understand the difference in what i am needing, and what i have done for them(in sexual areas). It’s like they think what is between us in enough. They’ve even said, ” I don’t see the difference in what you say you need, and what we do.”

I’m open to input and comments.

signed,

frustrated, with too much sex.